What I love most about them is the eloquence with which they express their love for me. It's really a wonder that I ever wanted to leave them at all. How many people find things like this shoved under their doors? :
My Dearest Rini,
Darkness has fallen upon mine brown eyes. Without the light of your beauty, my roots are failing. What am I to do without my sunshine? Why have you separated yourself from me? Whatever have I done to deserve such torment? I miss you like a stamp misses an envelope. I have no purpose without you. My salty goodness and crispy texture were cultivated for your sake, and now, they mean nothing.
Come back to my home in Idaho and let us live a happy life together. Never forsake me again, for I cannot bear it! I hope to see you soon. We shall feast on love.
Eternally yours,
Mr. Lay
And you people wonder why I have such a hard time giving them up. What a gentleman! I'll bet your asparagus never writes you letters like that. Asparagus' letters probably sound like:
Hey!
I had a really great time keeping your colon healthy today! I also gave your blood some super good vitamins and minerals, so I hope you'll have a good time with that. Don't I look kinda like a little spear? Yeah, I'm pretty proud of that. I like to think that I stab your unhealthiness to death. You should really eat more of me, and don't slather me in butter. What kind of a veg do you think I am? Gosh. Pervert.
Peace,
-Asparagus
Or even better, your apple:
You!
I keep doctors away! YAAAAAY!!!
Me!
~Apple!
Seriously. I doubt you could find any other fruit or veggie that is even half as eloquent as the potato. He's rich, earthy, grounded, has class, great eyes, dark skin, and tastes delicious. He's hearty and robust. He is an island dream from the world of the mole people. Show me the face of a carrot. Disgusting.
1, 2, 3, science!
Height: the adored 5'0" of a Maltese falcon.
Weight: the 125 lbs of a large baby puma.
The potato is a noble soul. Don't you forget it.
Your humble servant,
Rini
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